Things to improve: sound quality. You already talked about it but it is a bit of an issue.
Check the character's height on the first swivel chair bit, I think it changes.
At first I wasn't sure about the sketchy style of the animation, it didn't seem rounded or... comfortable, I suppose the word is. Like you weren't entirely at home with drawing the character. HOWEVER! This had changed by the end of the film, where I thought the style suited the movie well. So I don't know what to suggest there, or if I should even suggest anything at all.
With no speech, I'd suggest that you try playing around with music. Don't go overboard and lose focus on the story, but it's a longstanding trick that when there's no speech, there's music. Even if you don't decide to go with it, it's a direction I think you should let your creativity take you down.
I didn't catch what was with the photo at the end. Maybe pause a little longer, or have the character do a double-take on what finally made him decide to jack it in. After all, it's the culmination of everything the viewer has seen.
Otherwise, I think you're a strong contender, and best of luck!
Ahhh yes... I wish I could have better sound quality. I'm not too sure which type will give the best quality (MP3? Wav? Idunno) but I've found that it will stay in sync with the type I've chosen.. so for when I send it in I'll make sure to up the quality of the ADCMP or whatever it is.
Height on the swivel chair? I'll look into it..
Aha ok ok that's awesome that you felt the style fit 'cause my friend and I had a discussion about that kind of quality my animation had to it and she said she felt the style worked well but I still didn't trust her. So hearing someone else say that makes me feel better
Music.. music music. Ah... I would have to get help from a friend for music. I'm like.. musically challenged. Heh. But yes. I definitely agree it would liven up the animation.
Alright. The photo seems like it could be easy to change. I think I know what I can do to make it a bit clearer...
Thanks!
Get dictionary.com? Are you having a joke, or just seeking to flatter yourself on how wonderfully verbacious you perceive yourself to be?
Illustrations are wonderful, however; the page-turning effect commendable. The reader has a voice like liquid honey - and if only he could learn to pause properly, he'd be a joy to listen to. As for the writing, it's mostly sound. A little GCSE at times - an oreo? - and I can't quite get such a stately ballroom to sit comfortably with references to Youtube. Perhaps that's a quality.
To summarise, whoever illustrated should look into a professional career. The writer has great potential and, I'm sure, will blossom with time. There's not much else to it apart from the reader, who I do enjoy hearing, and the page-turning, on which I've commented previously.
I see you're coming to this as (I presume) a writing professional, so I'm glad you're taking a studied critique with your review and cutting to the quick.
First off, this was designed for a populist audience; Newgrounds clearly appreciates intelligent work, but rather than curate a museum piece I wanted to make something fun and outgoing. It's in my nature, as is making everything else needlessly complicated by over-elaborating and getting fantastic people in to embellish it.
Add to that the fact that I turned the actual tale around in a short space of time, based on the Storybook Collab which interested me a lot, and thus I worked with exciting elements as they came to mind.
Nacho Rodrigues is actually a professional animator traditionally, but he was fine with constraining his imagination to single lively frames. Cecilia's work is linked in via Nacho's site, but as far as I'm aware this is her first Flash work.
Andy will love your "liquid honey" comment - incidentally, is there any chance you could please Private Message me the points (or at the very least a few) where he wasn't pausing properly? There's a strong chance that a good deal of it could be down to my last-minute audio editing.
Re: the dictionary.com comment;
hahaha, you're rather quick to judge me based on a two-word comment!
Let me apologize to Newgrounds for assuming that there'd be more people, young people and non-English viewers especially, who might not come across all the words in their daily speech ("narcoleptically" and "faux" for example).
I didn't want anyone to miss out on the nuances of the experience, which is why I mentioned it. I don't hold any delusions as to the grandeur of my expression, and I know there are far better writers than me out there; I just say what I feel as best as I can say it.
I love that you think my florid prose for this piece was somehow down to my education. I'm surprised you didn't pick up on the heavy sarcasm and irony I dunked it in; "fear gripped me like a Thighmaster" was hardly an attempt at blood-curdling suspense, and re: your "Oreo" comment, keep in mind the romantic interest he's courting appears to have many issues underneath the surface that make this whole relationship rather peculiar.
It's a light-hearted piece, and so the prose, for me at least, is fitting.
There are about an equal number of people in favour of the Youtube joke as people against, showing how personal this issue is.
From my point of view; I've been at parties like that (well, not EXACTLY like that), and I've thought to myself "I'd much rather be home on my computer", so really the two disparate subjects can coexist peacefully.
You have a good technical eye and ear for writing, but perhaps you could do to look for the spirit of the thing a bit more. After all, this is a collaborative effort involving lots of talented people passionate about entertaining first and foremost, and I think we've all delivered above and beyond at what we set out to do.
Regardless, I'm really happy that there are people with your intelligence active on Newgrounds; I'm glad to have entertained you to the degree I have and we all hope to deliver even greater works for a long time to come.
Was I meant to understand what just happened? Or is it one of those "post-ironic" flashes that are totally random, but people seem to just say "lol" a lot at?
Could have been better, could have been worse. I see what you were going for here and I believe if you keep it up you'll get there. Just a note - if you want to do animations with guns and grenades and stuff in, the bullet wouldn't be that long (the casing stays in the gun) and the grenade wouldn't have the handle on it.
tnx for comment mr OzyPN, yeah its really to long ehe.. like an hotdog!, tnx for your advice.. I will make it better next time hope to see your comment again mr OzyPN, tnx.. ^_^
I liked the first song, that was the best. Could you have taken that idea any further? Also I'm in two minds about the animation. It's fittingly poor, but if it was better would that ruin the effect of the movie?
I don't know, just extend the first scene (even though Luigi now looks like Freddie Mercury to me) and cut the rest. Has potential - 6/10
The quivering animation of still pictures got old last year. I like the audio, but it needs more than just the lyrics on screen. Maybe start with the text message (though it's a little hackneyed) then develop the story instead of rigidly sticking to the lyrics. The art itself has potential but I want to see more animation!
The Paper Prince 
A Bid For Freedom 
- Mirilla - 
Britain is Fucked! 
Opera 
mariolol 
Boston